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At year 12 of our marriage, we hit a wall. We loved each other, but it felt like something was missing. We were not connected. It wasn’t one big fight or one major crisis — it was a slow drift. We had put other things kids first. Our days revolved around schedules, chores, and responsibilities. We weren’t dating each other anymore. We weren’t talking about the hard things, and when we did, it felt like nothing changed. We both became complacent. And before we knew it, we felt more like roommates than spouses.

We told ourselves this was just how marriage gets after a while. Life gets busy. Passion fades. But deep down, we knew we didn’t want just a functional marriage — we wanted a thriving one. We needed to make a change. A big one.

We realized that marriage is like a plant — it needs constant watering and nurturing to grow. And without effort, it will wither. So, we started setting boundaries with our time — saying no to things that pulled us away from each other. We communicated better, sharing our needs and frustrations without fear of judgment. And most importantly, we both put in the effort. We started dating again, making time for connection, and prioritizing intimacy. The more we showed up for each other, the more we felt that spark again.

We turned our marriage around — and you can too. It doesn’t take grand gestures, just small, consistent changes. Set boundaries to protect your time together. Communicate openly and often. And never stop putting in the effort. When both spouses choose to prioritize their marriage, love grows stronger, deeper, and more fulfilling than ever before.

If you’re feeling that same drift, here are three questions to ask each other to start closing the gap and reconnecting:

“What’s one thing I can do this week to make you feel more loved and appreciated?”
“Is there anything we’ve been avoiding talking about that we need to address together?”
“What small thing could we start doing daily to feel more connected as a couple?”

Do you feel like roommates or passionate lovers in your marriage?

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